Lately

So I changed my blog URL and title and all that again and for now I think this is a keeper. I figured I should probably change it as I am no longer in Portland and just feel lost when it comes to life in general. Some day I hope to feel more adult and capable and in control but I don't know if that ever really happens for anyone. I changed the URL to Oldfashionedlullaby and the title is Soothes like an Old-Fashioned Lullaby and then the description is the definition of Soothes. There is a pic of tea bags behind the title and such and that relates to the title only. People who have read this blog will know that my blog doesn't really sooth at all at the moment. Well I guess it does for me, just to get this stuff off my shoulders and have a couple of my close friends be able to comment and provide support (which I truly appreciate). So yeah the only thing keeping my sanity right now is copious amounts of Chai Green Tea and plain Chai Tea (thank you Hannah, I love it).

So News on the tumor thing and everything my family is going through right now:

Thankfully my incision is healing extremely well and I'm feeling better physically as the days go by. However currently there has been quite a few assaults on my emotional and mental stability. About a week after surgery my surgeon called and said that we need to consider radiation therapy to prevent  another tumor from growing back. Apparently the tumor I had is a little more persistent than the regular benign tumor. My doc said he'd support any decision we made as the radiation is not required because it will be used as just a preventative measure, basically they have no way of knowing if a tumor will grow back for sure they just want to cover their asses and give me brain damage in the mean time. We were supposed to go up to SLC (whish is a 400 + mile drive for us) and talk to a specialist about the pathology of my tumor and decide if we should just wait and see if one grows back or jump straight into RT (Radiation Therapy). Well a few days before we were supposed to go my mom's car broke down... permanetly and since we had done some research online about RT after complete removal of a Meningioma we had already decided that we weren't going to do the RT. So we canceled. And I though that would be the end of that but yesterday the people from UofU hospital called and had me set up a routine follow up appointment but she also mentioned that the Dr was going to want to talk to me about radiation therapy again... so much for supporting our decision. So that's pretty nerve racking. Several of the websites I visited said that RT after complete removal of a Meningioma is still very controversial. Some of the side effects of radiation are permanent hair loss at the location of the radiation (not so bad), Loss of speech skills (uh no thank you), Loss of organizational skills, memory loss (these I already have a hard time with! why would I make it worse?) Needless to say the cons out way the pros. I would rather have something in my head that they are aiming at and know for sure that I need it than have these people aiming at nothing and destroying the only brain I have for the rest of my life. Honestly I feel insulted but I guess I don't truely know about my own personal case, it might not be as bad and so we will be having a conversation with my surgeon about all of this. Still I am adamant about not doing it. I already have the card of a local homeopathic doctor who says I do not need RT. So fuck you radiology doctor people!


So while that's been going on, I found out a few days ago that that my cousin who I am fairly close to and is only 18 was diagnosed with stage 4 Melanoma. Fuck, I thought brain surgery was scary. I am worried for her but am persistent about staying positive about the whole thing. She is young and lots of people have survived this before. I refuse to look up what stage 4 means cuz it will probably not help this positive mentality. So don't tell me anything negative, we've all got to stay positive.

Ready for a little bit of good news? I know I am.

My dad got a job about a month ago and even tho its extremely labor intensive and tough on his body he is sticking with it. It pays really well and I am proud of him for sticking it out. Also he's all moved out of Nephi now which is an extremely good thing. Nephi is a creepy little town w/ a lot of creepy, racist, ignorant, intolerant people.

Anyway I am holding up ok. So no worries. This weekend I hope to go up to Snow College and visit all my friends still there and that should raise my spirits tremendously. Also if you made it all the way through this post then I thank you very much. Only a true friend would put up with that much text.